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Bury the truth that scars my chest.
Bravely I let go of your hand, I can't speak yet you still understand.
5th-Jan-2018 10:41 am - I remember how to do this
photos on the floor

I can’t seem to get the words of my stupid counselor out of my head: you sound paranoid.

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30th-Jun-2017 03:20 am - I have a dream
photos on the floor

I find myself in the dark in the middle of the night. I'm listening to Cat's voice clips. It's during these quiet moments that I allow myself to feel my feelings. I really want a happy ending. I want a family. I don't know what to do to get what I dream about.

I want : a greater Swiss mountain dog, a rag doll cat, a wife, kids, a house that is warm and inviting. I want to be a published author. A want to write a screenplay.

I want to be able to look back on my life when I'm old and know my life had meaning. I mattered.

25th-Jun-2017 03:17 pm - I'm fine being Gay
photos on the floor

I'm tired of trying to be someone I'm not. I won't ever date men again.

24th-May-2017 02:49 pm - Rob is coming over tonight
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I didn't think I would hear back from him after telling him I had a stroke. He's going to come over though. He's so handsome and he has blue eyes. I hope it goes well.... To be continued:

23rd-May-2017 03:47 pm - I compare everyone to Cat.
photos on the floor

I'm listening to pages won't turn playlist. I'm talking to this girl Linda and I compare eyes and personalities. I'm tired of wanting someone who never thinks of me. Why is it that I feel like I'm in hell.

14th-May-2017 02:05 pm - My first Mother's Day of Anjali
photos on the floor

I feel so loved and so proud to have another daughter. When I adopt her she will be Addison Anjali Sinha Brandenburg.

photos on the floor

So we have decided that Anjali will be adopted and her name will be :

Addison Anjali Sinha Brandenburg

I'm so thrilled to have another daughter. I'm proud of her.

7th-May-2017 12:14 am - Trying to recreate the magic
photos on the floor

I spent the day editing 4 chapters and then I watched Grey's Anatomy. I'm trying to catch up on what I missed during the stroke. When the episodes were over I missed Cat. I remembered how Cat and I would talk about the show when it was over. I tried to talk to Kenzie about it but it wasn't the same.

When I edited I can't help but smile at the fact that I have written a book about "us". The bad thing is that some people think I'm still the way I was when it all happened. Danny and Anjali love it. I have to edit 15 chapters before I get beta readers. I'm so nervous about that.

I feel so exposed. Plus I will always worry about what Cat would say. I know that her opinion shouldn't matter but deep down I know that it does. Fuck.

photos on the floor

I need to edit but something hurts in my chest every time I read it. I want to forget or move on but I'm fucking stuck. It feels like hell. I'm tired of wanting something I clearly can't have.

So there's this guy and he's a doctor. I wish I could meet a vet. He's handsome.

I haven't talked to Anjali since Friday night and I'm starting to worry.

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